Oldies.

[Pudsey Bear]

1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.​

2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.​

3) Atheism is a nonprophet organization.​

4) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"​

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.​

5) If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?​

6) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there​

is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong?​

7) If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,is​

it considered a hostage situation?​

8) Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"​

9) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?​

10) Would a housefly without wings be called a walk?​

11) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone​

will clean them?​

12) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?​

13) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?​

14) Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?​

15) Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?​

16) I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.​

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal​

with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him

if he was already homesick.



"No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!"



"How'd that happen?"



"The cork fell out," said the Irishman.