Lorraine
Rally Organiser
- Messages
- 4,564
There was nothing Stanley liked better than drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and hunting. At least twice a week, Stanley went out in the woods with his hunting buddies Cletus and Jimmy. They never shot much, but they always had a few cases handy and always had a good time. They were practically inseparable and were often seen bumbling around town together.
Now, one day Stanley was working out in the shed when his lit cigarette ignited a nearby gas can. The can exploded, Stanley was engulfed in flames and, tragically, died from his injuries. After the police investigation ruled the explosion an accident, his mangled body was sent to the morgue. The entire front side of his body was burned beyond recognition, but everyone in town knew that if anybody could confirm it was Stanley, it'd be Cletus and Jimmy.
The mortician called Cletus in to identify the body. "Thank you for coming in, Cletus," she said gently. "I know this isn't easy for you and I appreciate you taking the time." Cletus replied in a somber tone. "No trouble at all, ma'am." The mortician lifted the sheet from the body, revealing Stanley's horribly burned frontside. She asked Cletus if this was indeed Stanley.
"Weeeeeeeell," said Cletus. "I don't know. I really can't tell. Why don't you flip him on over?" The mortician was confused, but obliged, revealing Stanley's relatively unharmed naked backside. Without hesitation, Cletus exclaimed, "Nope, that ain't Stanley!" The mortician was surprised, but thanked Cletus again for his time and sent him on his way.
She then called Jimmy to the morgue to see if he could provide a positive identification. As with Cletus, she offered her sympathies and thanked him for coming in. Then she pulled back the sheet and asked Jimmy if he could confirm it was Stanley.
"Weeeeeeell," Jimmy said pensively. "Hard to say. Would it be alright if you flip him over?" The mortician was even more surprised this time, but again obliged. After only a second, Jimmy said confidently, "Nope, that ain't Stanley." The mortician was dumbfounded.
"I have to ask," she said. "Why on earth did you want me to flip the body over? Cletus said the exact same thing!"
Jimmy replied, "Well you see miss, this man's only got one asshole."
"One asshole?!" the mortician cried. "What's that got to do with anything?!"
"Weeeeell you see," said Jimmy, "Whenever me and Cletus and Stanley walked through town, everybody would point and say, 'There goes Stanley with them two assholes!'"
Now, one day Stanley was working out in the shed when his lit cigarette ignited a nearby gas can. The can exploded, Stanley was engulfed in flames and, tragically, died from his injuries. After the police investigation ruled the explosion an accident, his mangled body was sent to the morgue. The entire front side of his body was burned beyond recognition, but everyone in town knew that if anybody could confirm it was Stanley, it'd be Cletus and Jimmy.
The mortician called Cletus in to identify the body. "Thank you for coming in, Cletus," she said gently. "I know this isn't easy for you and I appreciate you taking the time." Cletus replied in a somber tone. "No trouble at all, ma'am." The mortician lifted the sheet from the body, revealing Stanley's horribly burned frontside. She asked Cletus if this was indeed Stanley.
"Weeeeeeeell," said Cletus. "I don't know. I really can't tell. Why don't you flip him on over?" The mortician was confused, but obliged, revealing Stanley's relatively unharmed naked backside. Without hesitation, Cletus exclaimed, "Nope, that ain't Stanley!" The mortician was surprised, but thanked Cletus again for his time and sent him on his way.
She then called Jimmy to the morgue to see if he could provide a positive identification. As with Cletus, she offered her sympathies and thanked him for coming in. Then she pulled back the sheet and asked Jimmy if he could confirm it was Stanley.
"Weeeeeeell," Jimmy said pensively. "Hard to say. Would it be alright if you flip him over?" The mortician was even more surprised this time, but again obliged. After only a second, Jimmy said confidently, "Nope, that ain't Stanley." The mortician was dumbfounded.
"I have to ask," she said. "Why on earth did you want me to flip the body over? Cletus said the exact same thing!"
Jimmy replied, "Well you see miss, this man's only got one asshole."
"One asshole?!" the mortician cried. "What's that got to do with anything?!"
"Weeeeell you see," said Jimmy, "Whenever me and Cletus and Stanley walked through town, everybody would point and say, 'There goes Stanley with them two assholes!'"