Osama Bin Laden sent Donald Trump a coded message to let him know he is still alive
The message read 370HSSV-0773H
The F.B.I., C.I.A. and NSA can't decipher it
They ask Britain's MI5 for help, but they can't decipher it either
...They sent it to the Garda (Irish Police) Headquarters in Dublin and ask for their help
The Garda reply,
"Tell the president he is holding it upside down".
And your now twisting your phone trying to read it. ???
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
Just done my good deed for the day. An old lady was crying outside of Tesco. Through tears she told me she'd lost all her holiday money. I quietly gave her £100 from my wallet. Now I ain't a soft touch but moments before I found 2 grand on the floor, just sharing my good fortune.