Pauljenny
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From Church Magazines
Real Live Bloopers ( Church Ladies With Typewriters)
Real Live Bloopers ( Church Ladies With Typewriters)
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced at church services:
________________________________
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
________________________________
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
________________________________
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon
tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
________________________________
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
________________________________
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
________________________________
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
________________________________
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
________________________________
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
________________________________
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
________________________________
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow
________________________________
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
________________________________
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
________________________________
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
________________________________
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
________________________________
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
________________________________
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
________________________________
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
________________________________
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
________________________________
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.
________________________________
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
________________________________
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
________________________________
And this one just about sums them all up
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced at church services:
________________________________
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
________________________________
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
________________________________
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon
tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
________________________________
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
________________________________
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
________________________________
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
________________________________
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
________________________________
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
________________________________
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
________________________________
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow
________________________________
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
________________________________
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
________________________________
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
________________________________
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
________________________________
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
________________________________
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
________________________________
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
________________________________
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
________________________________
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.
________________________________
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
________________________________
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
________________________________
And this one just about sums them all up
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
