MOJO
Free Member
- Messages
- 306
Fun in a Spanish Hospital
Due to severity of constipation and urine infection making me use the toilet every 10 minutes painfully, I decided to taxi in to Cartagena for the University Hospital Emergency .
Arrived at 9pm and just like NHS was looking busy .Reception ,me "No Espaniol" ,them "No Englaise" with a blank look of So what happens now .The phone!
Using translation app I showed them my problems along with the EHIC card.
"Passport por favour"
Bugger,forgot to bring it in my haste but reluctantly they accepted my passport number printed on CCI .
I knew I was now in the system as they put the paper band around my wrist with my tag number.
The room did not look too busy and within ten minutes I was in Triage ,"no Englaise". Out comes the phone,whilst the doc studies the translation a rather short muscular nurse grabs my arm shoving on the blood pressure pad immediately followed by shoving hard in to my ear the temperature monitor.I hoped it was sterile after my India disaster from unclean doc surgery producing severe ear infection,but thats another story.
Hand gestures to wait in a different room.This was a very large busy waiting room with tv screens showing patient numbers.
Mine arrived within half hour .Consultation room 2,they now can read my symptoms from the computer so the phone was finished.Urine tests,blood tests and X ray followed over next few hours in various rooms called through the tv screens.
In one room a junior doc had me laid out and feeling all around my abdominal area.He calls in another for second opinion and declares in his best English "you are full of shit" ,not the first time I have been told that.
By this time I am walking around with a pain killing drip on wheels to allow movement to/from the many rooms .
It is decided that I should have an enema .Not a capsule up the bottom like in UK,you know the type when we get the camera checks, no this is a Cola size bottle with a long tip full of fluid.Sent in to a toilet cubicle with a sliding door and no lock I have to perform the task as best as possible.Needless to say gravity plays its part and most seems to end up in the toilet .I persevere but declare failure twenty minutes later.
Sad faces on the nurses and they hand me another bottle !
This time I play clever praying no one tries to enter .They would have had the shock of a grown man laying on his back on the floor ,legs akimbo up on the sink ,trousers round the ankles with a far too big a bottle sticking out of his arse.This position kept for ten minutes so a strong chance of being interrupted.Would have made for a good avatar though.
Despite my best efforts the results were poor.
The last doc seemed most disappointed presuming I hadn't tried hard enough.
After another drip of anti biotics and almost the only patient left in a ghost hospital I got discharged with prescriptions at four am.
The taxi back was as eventfull as the one coming with my constant requests for a bush to pee in but now with a daylight audience.
Eventually back on site the wife says "maybe just go to the farmacia next time"
Due to severity of constipation and urine infection making me use the toilet every 10 minutes painfully, I decided to taxi in to Cartagena for the University Hospital Emergency .
Arrived at 9pm and just like NHS was looking busy .Reception ,me "No Espaniol" ,them "No Englaise" with a blank look of So what happens now .The phone!
Using translation app I showed them my problems along with the EHIC card.
"Passport por favour"
Bugger,forgot to bring it in my haste but reluctantly they accepted my passport number printed on CCI .
I knew I was now in the system as they put the paper band around my wrist with my tag number.
The room did not look too busy and within ten minutes I was in Triage ,"no Englaise". Out comes the phone,whilst the doc studies the translation a rather short muscular nurse grabs my arm shoving on the blood pressure pad immediately followed by shoving hard in to my ear the temperature monitor.I hoped it was sterile after my India disaster from unclean doc surgery producing severe ear infection,but thats another story.
Hand gestures to wait in a different room.This was a very large busy waiting room with tv screens showing patient numbers.
Mine arrived within half hour .Consultation room 2,they now can read my symptoms from the computer so the phone was finished.Urine tests,blood tests and X ray followed over next few hours in various rooms called through the tv screens.
In one room a junior doc had me laid out and feeling all around my abdominal area.He calls in another for second opinion and declares in his best English "you are full of shit" ,not the first time I have been told that.
By this time I am walking around with a pain killing drip on wheels to allow movement to/from the many rooms .
It is decided that I should have an enema .Not a capsule up the bottom like in UK,you know the type when we get the camera checks, no this is a Cola size bottle with a long tip full of fluid.Sent in to a toilet cubicle with a sliding door and no lock I have to perform the task as best as possible.Needless to say gravity plays its part and most seems to end up in the toilet .I persevere but declare failure twenty minutes later.
Sad faces on the nurses and they hand me another bottle !
This time I play clever praying no one tries to enter .They would have had the shock of a grown man laying on his back on the floor ,legs akimbo up on the sink ,trousers round the ankles with a far too big a bottle sticking out of his arse.This position kept for ten minutes so a strong chance of being interrupted.Would have made for a good avatar though.
Despite my best efforts the results were poor.
The last doc seemed most disappointed presuming I hadn't tried hard enough.
After another drip of anti biotics and almost the only patient left in a ghost hospital I got discharged with prescriptions at four am.
The taxi back was as eventfull as the one coming with my constant requests for a bush to pee in but now with a daylight audience.
Eventually back on site the wife says "maybe just go to the farmacia next time"
