Don't exaggerate, Lee. It were a farthing, because neither had a spanner that would fit the threepenny bit ...
One winter, which saw the worst snowfall for decades, with drifts 30 feet deep, the locals were having a quiet drink in the Woolpack, when someone mentioned that they hadn't seen Seth, who lived in a remote cottage 2 miles up the valley, for weeks. So they organised a Search Party, including the Red Cross and set off with sledges, a stretcher, location poles and listening equipment to rescue poor old Seth, fearing the worst.
There was no sign of the house, so the Red Cross Rescue Officials began to probe the drifts where the locals thought Seth's cottage stood. Eventually, after 24 hours of digging, they uncovered the chimney, poked the rods down the aperture, and used a Megaphone to try to speak to Seth.
'Seth, it's the Red Cross,' they shouted.
And Seth replied, 'Bugger off! I gave last year ...'
Steve